A Question of Humanity

[Published in Roadworks]


Try to imagine these circumstances, if you will; an elephant awakening to discover he has changed into a tiny mouse, a fierce giant of a warrior being transformed into a gentle kitten, or indeed a small child turning into a crippled old man. You may wonder how absurd and unlikely are these happenings, yet I myself am able to identify with the feelings connected with such occurrences, for I vividly recall that strange morning when I awoke to discover I had been transformed into a human!
The early sunlight was streaking through the rain-sodden window of that unfamiliar bedroom I found myself in. The strange nightgown I was wearing was clinging to my skin with perspiration, and crusts of sleep were embedded in the corners of my eyes, almost destroying my vision. I raised my hands to my face, and it was at that moment that the true shock overwhelmed me. My arms were small and feeble compared to what I was accustomed to, and they were extremely devoid of strength, definitely too weak to undertake the colossal tasks I recalled performing.
Overcome with the weirdness of the situation, I sprang from between those obscure bedsheets and studied my surroundings with the greatest consternation. Frankly, I believed that I had been struck down with some crazed disease, if that were possible, and was suffering from a hallucinogenic madness. I endeavoured to comprehend the exasperating predicament, but no matter how much I tried I was unable to recollect the apparent proceedings which had culminated in my transformation.
Possessing the form of a human was indeed distressingly peculiar. The lower limbs were dreadfully thin and emaciated, and seriously lacking in muscular power of any kind. How could I be expected to leap from the peaks of a lofty mountain with such hopeless appendages? How could I outrun my pursuing enemies or chase the ones I desired? My heart was pounding terribly and I began to feel quite nauseous as I puzzled over the outlandish metamorphosis which had taken place at some time during the night.
Then I spotted something I had not noticed before; another person lying beneath woollen blankets upon the bed before me. After further inspection I recognised the form of a human female, a most ghastly and hideous being. Things were becoming even more sinister; I desperately yearned for familiar surroundings, instead of the awful cosiness of the bedroom I found myself occupying. Such things were unsuitable to my kind, and I nearly started to wail and scream horribly in desperation; but a voice prevented me.
"Isaac; you're up early."
It was the woman creature. Isaac? Was that my human name? I could not be certain. I was still bewildered over the weirdness of the situation.
"Yes, it is I; Isaac."
What compelled me to reply in such a way I cannot to this day understand. It was as if some alternative life force was controlling my human form. One thing was for sure though; never before had I pined for my familiar world so vehemently.
"You'll be wanting breakfast," said the woman, as she began to arise from beneath the bedclothes.
Breakfast; yes, that was an excellent idea. Pictures appeared in my mind, images of my previous self strangling snakes and roasting the remains on a makeshift spit. The female then stood before me, and I was horrified to observe ugly mounds of flesh evident upon her person, mostly hidden beneath her nightgown, for which I was grateful, because I found her appearance to be most upsetting. I remember at that moment longing for the deadly claws I was used to.
"Am I different?" I asked the woman; I was not conscious of her name at that time. She regarded me with the utmost suspicion, which I understood, for I did not know whether she was as strange to the situation as I was. On first glance she did not appear to be.
"What do you mean, Isaac?"
I searched my mind for the correct words, but it was difficult. "How long have I been a human?"
She glared at me with an incredulous expression, and did not answer at once, instead seemingly attempting to conjure up the relevant reply to my macabre question.
"How much ale did you drink last night, Isaac? Your head appears to be filled with strangeness this morning!"
She shuffled in my direction, passing by me as the sunshine invaded the room, and I could smell her earthly odour. I snatched her portly arm, grabbing the chunk of flesh above her elbow, and she gazed into my eyes, as if to say; Who is this strange person that stands before me? I dismissed her apparent inquisitiveness though, for I had queries of my own, queries that I was dying to learn the answers to.
"Who are you?" I asked the woman. "Where am I? Who am I?"
I then discerned frightened eyes, detecting fear and anxiety within the tormented soul of the human beside me. I realized I could have crushed her arm without even thinking if I were still myself, I could have snapped it from her body like a twig and devoured the whole of it before her eyes.
"Isaac, you're hurting me. What's got into you? Why do you ask these strange questions?"
I released her from my grip, and she backed away in trepidation, approaching the exit to the bedroom. I did not regret my violent actions, for I believed I was even more afraid than she was. After all, it was I who was in an unfamiliar place, and in the possession of the meagre body of a human.
"I just want to know how I got here," I explained. "I want to know how I came to acquire this human form. You must be able to tell me. You must!"
I was almost begging the woman, pleading with her, urging her to offer some plausible explanation to the fantastic occurrence that had taken place during the twilight hours. Yet her countenance only revealed bafflement and aeck with a remarkable ferocity, my fingers wrapped around the ampleness of her flesh. She was unable to utter a sound, and was begging with her terrified eyes for me to release my hold upon her. Suddenly I let go and stood back, which astonished me, for in my other form I would surely have continued until I was staring into the deathly whiteness of the female's face.
"You are not yourself this morning, Isaac," she muttered, struggling to regain her vocal powers, her trembling hands clutching her reddened neck. "You seem surprised to be human, yet you have always been so. Your behaviour is truly shocking."
With a saddened heart I collapsed on to the bed as I realized the implications of her statement.
The days that followed - indeed the months, nay the years that followed - were excruciatingly difficult for me in that awful human guise. Even to this day the memory of that horrendous morning is most evident in my mind. I will never forget those words; You seem surprised to be human, yet you have always been so. I have always been amazed by that remark, for consider this; if that is true, why do I remember leaping in and out of fiery pits in pursuit of unholy winged creatures, catching ravenous vultures with my bare hands and crushing their bones to dust, and swimming through the boiling rivers of blood that flow through the infamous valleys of the underworld itself. Such memories I will cherish until the day I die -- again.