Murder Is Meat

[Published in Strix]

Finkelstein looked on as his sister Viviana chewed the last of the meat away, then licked the bone clean. Watching her was making him lose his appetite.
"That was good," she said, pushing her empty plate across the table. "Who was it? Mrs Pickleberry?"
Thessalonika grabbed the plate and dropped it into the sink, allowing it to gently disappear beneath the sudsy water. "No, we finished her off on Monday. That's the trouble with pensioners, not enough meat on them. Nothing to sink your teeth into."
"Mr Burke-Hare was best," said Viviana.
Thessalonika's eyes beamed. "Oh, yes! Mr Burke-Hare. He was a big one all right. He ate well, he lived well, and he tasted well!"
Finkelstein sighed. This is pathetic, he thought. He felt his mother's eyes bearing down upon him, and he didn't like it. She had on the same apron she always wore. It was supposed to be white, but was stained with a mixture of gravy, flour, and blood.
"What's up, Finky?" said Thessalonika. "You've hardly touched your roasted fingers. They're your favourites."
He glanced down at the untouched plate under his nose. His mother was correct, roasted fingers were his favourites. He loved the thumbs the best, all tasty and succulent. However, he was loath to touch them. Not after the promise he had made to Lacey.
"I'll have them if you don't want them," said Viviana.
Finkelstein studied his sister. Fourteen years of porky flesh. She had a piggy face, piggy arms, piggy chest, and piggy manners. All that meat was doing her no good at all. No boy would ever be interested with her looking as she did. She was interested in them though, especially if they were big and beefy. And they tasted good. He handed her the plate, and she immediately began to demolish the food. In no time at all there were only the bones remaining.
"Mah Jong!" she cried.
The bloodhound was under the table. He had just devoured a bowl of testicle bhajis that Thessalonika had diligently prepared for him. His head came to rest on Viviana's fleshy knee, his sorrowful eyes gazing up at her.
"Scraps!" she called, before placing the plate of bones on to the kitchen lino. Mah Jong attacked them, taking one between his teeth and endeavouring to crunch it to pieces. The sullen animal was in his element.
But Finkelstein wasn't. Far from it. His dilemma was driving him crazy. I've got to tell them, he told himself, it's now or never. He was pleased that Thessalonika wasn't holding her favourite meat cleaver at that moment. He didn't wish to deliver his news with her brandishing that particular object.
"Mother," he began hesitantly.
Thessalonika turned his way. "What is it, Finky?"
"I've come to a decision."
"About your future? That's brilliant! Now that you've left school you need to decide what you're going to do. Why not try for a job in the cemetery like your father did? Digging graves is good, sturdy work. And think of the perks. All that lovely meat."
"No, no, it's not that. It's something else."
"Well, spit it out then! I've got a steak and kidney pie to make." She smiled. "Those kidney donor cards really come in handy."
Finkelstein drew in his breath. "I've decided to become a vegetarian."
His mother's face dropped. Viviana let out a nervous giggle. Mah Jong belched. It was as if the entire world had ceased to function, just for that morsel of a second following Finkelstein's statement. He awaited Thessalonika's thunderous reaction.
"A vegetarian? In this house? Impossible! You've really let us down this time, Finky." His mother's eyes were wild with rage. "That's terrible news. Terrible! I won't allow it."
"You'll have to accept it," said Finkelstein, "because that's the way it is. From now on, there'll be no meat for me."
Thessalonika thrust her large hands into the soapy water, sending splashes over her face and across her apron. "This is down to that girlfriend of yours. That Lacey. She's behind it, isn't she?" Finkelstein was silent. "Well I just won't allow it!"
She busied herself with the washing up, and Finkelstein breathed a sigh. Better than I expected, he thought. Then Viviana chirped in.
"A vegetarian? What about fish? Can you eat fish?"
Finkelstein thought for a moment. "I suppose not."
"Fish? I'd rather have a joint. A big juicy one. Like we got from Mr Burke-Hare," Thessalonika chimed in from her position at the sink.
"What about eggs then?" asked Viviana.
"Eggs? Not really."
"I'd rather have a brain pudding," his mother grumbled.
It's always the same, thought Finkelstein. Mother dominating the rest of us. Will it ever change? He peered out of his eye corner towards the sink. Thessalonika had an angry scowl on her face. She was furiously washing the plates, water flying everywhere. She was a large woman too. No wonder, with all the meat she'd scoffed over the years. All the human meat.
"I'm off to school now," said Viviana.
Finkelstein watched as she eased her wobbly frame from the chair, then waddled down the hall to the front door.
"Goodbye, pudding!" Thessalonika called, just before the door closed after her.
Pudding. How appropriate, thought Finkelstein. He looked at the wall clock. It was time he was going too. He didn't really want to stay there and endure his mother's wrath. He made a move, but it was too late.
"You can't do this to us, Finky," said Thessalonika. "We're a meat family. We're devoted to meat. We rely on it. Not only that, you're seventeen now. You're our breadwinner. Especially now that we've eaten your father."
Finkelstein sighed.
"It's that Lacey, isn't it? She's behind all this. Filling your head with silly ideas. I'd love to have it out with her." She paused. "Why don't you invite her over?"
Finkelstein exploded. "No fucking way!"
"Finkelstein! Watch your language. Our family doesn't use words like that." An evil smirk spread across her face. "Your father didn't even swear when I took the axe to him."
He remained in the chair, calming himself. He thought about his girlfriend. Lacey was clever. If anyone could convince his mother that meat was murder, she could. He considered giving it a try. If she could pull it off, it would change things forever.
"If I invite Lacey round," he said, "will you promise to behave yourself? No axes, or meat cleavers, or anything like that? Remember what happened to Mrs Pickleberry?"
Thessalonika laughed. "That was an accident! My hand just slipped. And it was a shame to let all that good meat go to waste."
"But if Lacey comes, it'll be different. Promise?"
His mother hesitated. "I promise."
"Good. Then I'll fetch her round for tea this evening."
Thessalonika watched him disappear down the hall. She grinned. White lies were her forte.
"Remember, Finky!" she yelled. "If you don't change your mind, things will never be the same again."

He met Lacey in the park, and they sat side by side on their favourite bench in front of the lake. He watched the ducks floating around in the water. He'd never tasted duck meat. But he had tasted human meat. Lots of times. He couldn't remember a time when things had been any different. Other children's fathers came home with treats like sweets or comics, yet his fetched home severed limbs or decapitated heads. Finkelstein loved the fingers, but he was trying not to. For Lacey's sake.
"Did you tell her then?" asked Lacey.
"I did."
He glanced across at her. She looked beautiful as always, resplendent in a floral summer skirt and white blouse. Finkelstein would do anything for her, hence his decision to relinquish his meat-eating habits. Her long golden hair and her delicate features. Her thighs were firm, ideal for a casserole. Her shapely rump. What a steak that would make. And her breasts were good enough to eat. He stared at her bare arms. They were sleek and slender. Not much meat there, he thought. Enough for a sandwich though.
"Damn!" He scolded his train of thought.
"What's that?"
She surprised him with her enquiry. "Oh...er...I was just thinking. Mother didn't take it very well."
"I knew she wouldn't. People like that don't like change."
It was a sunny day. Finkelstein liked sunny days, but he was unable to enjoy it this time, mainly because he was hungry. He longed for the taste of a succulent toe kebab.
"There's something else though," he said, "she's invited you for tea this evening. I think she wants to discuss this vegetarian business."
Lacey's eyes lit up. "That sounds promising." She couldn't resist the opportunity to debate her cause. "She needs to be told that meat is murder. Animals are living creatures, just like humans. Before we know it people will be eating each other."
Finkelstein kept quiet. He didn't want to be drawn into that line of discussion. He placed his arm around her, and kissed her neck gently. Her skin felt soft and warm on his lips. Her ears were small and dainty. He suddenly craved one of Mother's ear stews. Becoming a vegetarian wasn't going to be so easy for him.

"So where's Finkelstein then?" asked Lacey.
Thessalonika licked gravy from her fingers. "He isn't home yet. I'm sure he won't be long though. Probably looking for a job."
She eyed the girl sitting at the table. So this is Lacey, she thought. The cause of all the trouble. She looks as though butter wouldn't melt in her mouth. And she's so tiny.
"I wasn't sure what to prepare for you," said Thessalonika. "I'm not used to all this vegetarian stuff. Give me a good old joint any time! Is a jacket potato all right?"
"That's fine, thanks."
Viviana was tucking into liver and onions, oblivious to all that was going on around her. Mah Jong was under the table, chomping on some pickled eyeballs. Thessalonika left the leg of meat she was enjoying to serve up the potato.
"We have some tongue," she said to Lacey. "Or rather, we have one tongue. Would you like that?"
"No, thanks."
Thessalonika was standing by the stove. The bacon slicer was close by, the one she bought second hand from the local butcher. She recollected the time when Mr Burke-Hare came round to unblock the sink. It had taken her ages to cause the accident in which he lost his arm in that slicer. Needless to say, the rest of him had followed.
Lacey spotted the clock on the kitchen wall. "He's a bit late, isn't he?"
"Don't worry, he won't be long," said Thessalonika, taking another bite of the leg upon her plate. The girl appears nervous, she thought. It's time to put her at ease.
As Viviana wolfed down Finkelstein's liver and Mah Jong chewed on Finkelstein's eyeballs, Thessalonika left Finkelstein's leg to stand beside the sink. She surveyed Lacey in great detail. Not much meat on her, she thought. Still, she'll last a couple of days at least. A fiendish grin appeared on her face as she reached for the meat cleaver.